"There is no reason to hit a woman...and I was just like 'Really?' I could give you, like, seventeen right off the top of my head. You could wake me from a drunken stupor and I could still give you, like, nine. Dude, there's plenty of reasons to hit a woman, you just don't do it. To sit there and suggest there is NO reason??? Dude, the level of ego behind that statement...what, are you levitating above the rest of us? You're never annoying? Women, how many times have you thought about slapping your guy in the fucking head this week? (Woman yells: Every dayyyy!) There you go! Every day. You didn't do it, right? Oh dude, it drives me nuts. 'There's no reason, there's no reason.' Really? No reason? How about this: You marry a girl, you fall in love, you buy her a house, you go to work every day paying off the house, you come home one day and she's banging the next-door neighbor, hands you divorce papers, you gotta move out, sleep on a futon and STILL pay for that house that she's gonna stay in. NO reason. I'm not saying you should do it, but there's plenty of fucking reasons in that arc of a story. Saying there's no reason? I think that's crazy. When you say there's 'no reason' that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. You've cut out the buildup and you're just left with the act. How are you going to solve it if you can't figure it out? How come you can't ask questions? You can only ask questions about what the guy did, you can never ask about the woman. Why is that? I understand hitting a woman is a bad thing, ok? How come you can't fuckin ask questions? I just don't understand. Like if I got bit by a rattlesnake wouldn't you guys have some questions? Right? 'How did it happen? Did you not see it? Were you fucking with it? How did the snake get so mad that it almost killed you?' Firemen put out a fire...they don't just drive away afterwards they sift through the debris. 'How did it start? Here's an oily rag.' Right? I realize that there's some animal guys out there, ok? Horrible guys. Have a rough day at the factory, come home and just start swinging. I'm not trying to say that those people don't exist. I realize they exist, ok? So if I can admit that, ladies can you at least admit that every ass-kicking doesn't just fall out of the fucking sky???"
- Bill Burr
'You People Are All the Same'