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As politicians debate the debt ceiling in Washington D.C., a far more insidious menace haunts neighboring Virginia: A serial butt stabber.

Since February of this year, five women in Virginia have been stabbed or slashed in their butts at malls and retail stores. Mere coincidence? The keen forensic minds of the Fairfax County police say no—we've got a pervert on our hands. The most recent victim is an 18-year-old woman who "felt a sharp pain in her butt" in a Forever 21 on Monday; she'd been "cut through her denim shorts with a box cutter or razor" while distracted.

If you recognize the man—"a heavyset Hispanic man in his late 20s around 5 feet 6 inches tall"—in the photos above, contact the authorities. What else do we know about him? According to criminal profiler Ted Williams, who spoke with NBC Washington, we're dealing with the butt-slashing version of the D.C. sniper:

[Williams] said the slasher's criminal pattern closely resembles the D.C. sniper's from almost 10 years ago.

"The one common thread is normally they want some kind of attention," he said.

So whatever you do, don't give the serial butt stabber any attention.
 
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"We're dealing with the butt-slashing version of the d.c sniper" lmao this shit must be for real ,Hold those butt cheeks Johnson (Dave chappelle's voice)
 
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