Brand new board function- resident Psychiatrist/Therapist

dbair1967 · Jul 7, 2011

In an effort to bring more value to all our Universors, I am offering up a new service.

I have detected many bad vibes and much discontent. I want this to be a place of peace and harmony and a happy Universor will be a productive Universor. Thus I am offering up my services to those who need them. I dont really have any qualifications for this type of work, but I saw Dr Phil on TV once and I think I have a good understanding of how this works.

So open up Universors, tell me your problems and I will help you solve them.

PS- If you PM me your problems because you are ashamed of them, note they will be posted here for all to see.

PPS- Bob I cant help you with that 1 1/2 inch weener problem.

Cythim · Jul 7, 2011

None of my teams win, dbair, and it really depresses me. What can I do?

dbair1967 · Jul 7, 2011

Cythim said:
None of my teams win, dbair, and it really depresses me. What can I do?

Excellent start Cythim, I am happy to assist.

The answer is obvious: none of your teams win so your life is useless and hopeless. I would recommend intaking large quantities of alcohol in the hopes that by creating a serious drinking problem, you'd no longer worry about your teams shortcomings. Most likely you'd forget those teams even exist.

Bob Sacamano · Jul 7, 2011

I'm not ashamed

dbair1967 · Jul 7, 2011

Bob Sacamano said:
I'm not ashamed

I am here to help, please share your issues.

Cr122 · Jul 7, 2011

I have witnessed a lot of hate, amigo. Can you help?

dbair1967 · Jul 8, 2011

Cr122 said:
I have witnessed a lot of hate, amigo. Can you help?

Yes, I can help.

What you need is to spend more time viewing joyful and happy TV shows, I recommend the following:

1) Reruns of Mr Rogers
2) Spongebob Squarepants
3) Jerry Springer

If this fails then your life is useless andf hopeless, and your only other course of action is to intake large quantities of alcohol.

Plymkr · Jul 8, 2011

It burns when i pee and I am thinking of moving to Rochester NY.

NoShame · Jul 8, 2011

Plymkr said:
It burns when i pee and I am thinking of moving to Rochester NY.

Dbair, I got this one.

You got the clap, dawg.

Sheik · Jul 8, 2011

This is a little tough to talk about. ~deep breath~

So, when I was like 12, my Mom and Dad came up with what they thought would be a great family portrait pose. We basically stacked our naked bodies on one another.

Dad was on the bottom if the pile. Mom was on top of him. Being the oldest child, I was on top of mom.

It was a hard thing, if you catch my drift.

I hope that picture never gets out.

NoShame · Jul 8, 2011

Sheik said:
This is a little tough to talk about. ~deep breath~

So, when I was like 12, my Mom and Dad came up with what they thought would be a great family portrait pose. We basically stacked our naked bodies on one another.

Dad was on the bottom if the pile. Mom was on top of him. Being the oldest child, I was on top of mom.

It was a hard thing, if you catch my drift.

I hope that picture never gets out.

lol

Bonecrusher#31 · Jul 8, 2011

NoShameInMyGame said:
Dbair, I got this one.

You got the clap, dawg.

lol

Plymkr · Jul 8, 2011

NoShameInMyGame said:
Dbair, I got this one.

You got the clap, dawg.

I thought that too, but, fire shootin out my shit when I pee? And what about the damn Rochester thing.?

SixisBetter · Jul 8, 2011

The women I find attractive are always strange and somehow masculine.

Do you think it's a secret desire of mine,or is it the fact that I'm in prison?

Plymkr · Jul 8, 2011

SixisBetter said:
The women I find attractive are always strange and somehow masculine.

Do you think it's a secret desire of mine,or is it the fact that I'm in prison?

I think you should just finally come out and realize you like the cock. No big deal. That shit is accepted now.

SixisBetter · Jul 9, 2011

Plymkr said:
I think you should just finally come out and realize you like the cock. No big deal. That shit is accepted now.

Nah,not a big fan of the cock,although I kinda dig my own.
My prison bitches like the cock though.

dbair1967 · Jul 9, 2011

Plymkr said:
It burns when i pee and I am thinking of moving to Rochester NY.

Yes, I have some suggestions.

1) Your pee is burning because you have had sex with unclean women (or animals). I would suggest you keep a box of handi-wipes close by the bed or couch or car, and before having sex with these people (or animals) ask them to rub themselves off first in the private areas first.

2) Just dont go to Rochester NY

dbair1967 · Jul 9, 2011

Sheik said:
This is a little tough to talk about. ~deep breath~

So, when I was like 12, my Mom and Dad came up with what they thought would be a great family portrait pose. We basically stacked our naked bodies on one another.

Dad was on the bottom if the pile. Mom was on top of him. Being the oldest child, I was on top of mom.

It was a hard thing, if you catch my drift.

I hope that picture never gets out.

Sheik, I can tell that your emotional problems are quite severe and were probably made worse by the recent internet bullying from a member of another Cowboy fan site. To overcome the severity of this, I would suggest taking a pair of scissors and cutting off your wang. This will probably be quite painful and traumatic, but it will certainly cause you to forget about all the problems from your youth as well as the recent internet bullying. Please make sure to either sharpen the scissors first, or buy a new pair from your local Wal-Mart.

dbair1967 · Jul 9, 2011

SixisBetter said:
The women I find attractive are always strange and somehow masculine.

Do you think it's a secret desire of mine,or is it the fact that I'm in prison?

The answer is obvious, please place an add on Craigslist local to where you are. Ask for meetings with only very large women for the purposes of marathon sex. You will only have sex with the extremely large woman on top of you, that way you can fully enjoy all of her beauty. After you have engaged in this 6 or 8 times, you will no longer seek the company of males.

63echo · Jul 9, 2011

Sheik said:
This is a little tough to talk about. ~deep breath~

So, when I was like 12, my Mom and Dad came up with what they thought would be a great family portrait pose. We basically stacked our naked bodies on one another.

Dad was on the bottom if the pile. Mom was on top of him. Being the oldest child, I was on top of mom.

It was a hard thing, if you catch my drift.

I hope that picture never gets out.

lol lol lol

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