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I kid you not.
The plot synopsis for the new Star Wars movie has been leaked and by golly, it's really nothing other than "Star Trek the Search for Spock" but with a modern twist - from good ole JJ Abrams.
It opens with a severed arm floating through space, the hand clutching a lightsaber! (Never mind that Luke Skywalker's severed arm went one way, and the lightsaber the other the last time we saw these totally irrelevant items).
Cut to a desolate planet where two cool hip young guys find this severed limb (never mind that it would incinerate on entering the atmosphere) and the lightsaber. Being Star Wars fans themselves apparently like all cool hip young guys are, they deduce this must be Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and embark on a interstellar mission to find the famed Jedi and give him his arm and weapon back! They fight through numerous lens flares and other stuff JJ likes to see on screen, on their way to find Luke.
They find Han Solo and Chewbacca, who have just been sitting around for the last 30 years and haven't flown the Millenium Falcon since last we saw it on screen, and who haven't heard dick about Luke for 30 years - and convince them to fix up their old rust bucket of a ship and help them in their search for Spock - umm I mean, Luke.
***
We find out the two young hip guys are gay (naturally) and are married, but factions of the old empire who are now in the Republic government won't recognize gay marriage. During the trip, it's revealed that Han and Chewy too, are Gay and have only recently recognized their feelings for each other.
They find Princess Leia who to their shock is also in a Gay marriage, with a butchy swashbuckler type named Luluana played with classic aplomb by Rosie O'Donnell.
They all band together to not only find the missing Luke, but to defeat the evil forces in the Republic who deny them their basic right to marry. When Luke is located we find out he has been fighting the evil within the Republic for the last 30 years, trying to secure gay rights. The arm and lightsaber the hip kids found is Luke's OTHER arm, not the one he lost in the fight with Vader. (He gave his only arm for the cause!) Together, the reassembled team defeats the evil old guard fogeys in a climatic, lens flare showcase, battle.
Movie ends not with a award presentation like the other old ones, but with - wait for it - a Gay Pride parade right in the middle of the Senate chamber and a wedding for Han and Chewy..
Roll credits.
The plot synopsis for the new Star Wars movie has been leaked and by golly, it's really nothing other than "Star Trek the Search for Spock" but with a modern twist - from good ole JJ Abrams.
It opens with a severed arm floating through space, the hand clutching a lightsaber! (Never mind that Luke Skywalker's severed arm went one way, and the lightsaber the other the last time we saw these totally irrelevant items).
Cut to a desolate planet where two cool hip young guys find this severed limb (never mind that it would incinerate on entering the atmosphere) and the lightsaber. Being Star Wars fans themselves apparently like all cool hip young guys are, they deduce this must be Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and embark on a interstellar mission to find the famed Jedi and give him his arm and weapon back! They fight through numerous lens flares and other stuff JJ likes to see on screen, on their way to find Luke.
They find Han Solo and Chewbacca, who have just been sitting around for the last 30 years and haven't flown the Millenium Falcon since last we saw it on screen, and who haven't heard dick about Luke for 30 years - and convince them to fix up their old rust bucket of a ship and help them in their search for Spock - umm I mean, Luke.
***
We find out the two young hip guys are gay (naturally) and are married, but factions of the old empire who are now in the Republic government won't recognize gay marriage. During the trip, it's revealed that Han and Chewy too, are Gay and have only recently recognized their feelings for each other.
They find Princess Leia who to their shock is also in a Gay marriage, with a butchy swashbuckler type named Luluana played with classic aplomb by Rosie O'Donnell.
They all band together to not only find the missing Luke, but to defeat the evil forces in the Republic who deny them their basic right to marry. When Luke is located we find out he has been fighting the evil within the Republic for the last 30 years, trying to secure gay rights. The arm and lightsaber the hip kids found is Luke's OTHER arm, not the one he lost in the fight with Vader. (He gave his only arm for the cause!) Together, the reassembled team defeats the evil old guard fogeys in a climatic, lens flare showcase, battle.
Movie ends not with a award presentation like the other old ones, but with - wait for it - a Gay Pride parade right in the middle of the Senate chamber and a wedding for Han and Chewy..
Roll credits.
