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I'm so bored that I'm trolling people on Craigslist.

Just responded to an add in the free section about someone giving away a waterbed. I Emailed them asking if they could assure me that no heavy set people have ever had sex on it. No response yet.


I also had this interesting exchange with a woman giving away an older style large screen tv:

midswat said:
Hi! Saw your ad for the Sony TV for free. Does it work? Also, can I use it to watch porn?

Tammy said:
You can watch whatever you want Dan. However, someone is already on the way out to pick up the Tv.

midswat said:
What if I get there first? Also, are you hott Tammy? Want to get drinks sometime?

Tammy said:
The TV is gone! ;-(

Hmmm? What do I look like? How will you ever know?

midswat said:
How would I ever know?

Hmmm. Not sure. guess I could look you up on Facebook.

EDIT: Facebook profile link removed because of some cyber romeo killjoy feggit.
You'll do. How about I bring over a bottle of cheap wine and we can watch a romantic comedy on whatever television you're replacing that big one with?

PS - I also like Tim McGraw.

Tammy said:
Clever! Cheap wine huh? That sounds awfully romantic!

But I’d have to know more……..

midswat said:
I am but an open book. All you have to do is turn the pages. Which, of course, is a clever way of saying ask away.

But wouldn't you rather play the awkward get to know you game over candle light with some chinese food and a bottle of Yellow Tail? And fret not my love, I have no objection to wearing a condom.

~no response~

midswat said:
Tammycakes,

We're never going to be able to make sweet passionate love if you keep ignoring me.

Also, why do all Kenny Chesney songs sound alike? Doesn't he have anything better to sing about than high school memories?



And this one for a guy advertising a free couch and loveseat. The couch had some stains and the middle cushion was ripped:

midswat said:
I noticed you had your sofa and loveseat advertised on Craigslist for free. Any chance you can get that steamcleaned and fix that middle cushion? Let me know when that is done and I'll come get it off your hands.

Ethan said:
nope, free=as is

midswat said:
Ethan, man to man, you know I can't be slayin mad pussy on a raggedy ass couch like that. Hook a ***** up and fix that for me. I can pick it up by 6, which gives you an hour and a half of patching/cleaning time. Let me know.

Ethan said:
not fixin it. you want it or not?

midswat said:
n, I have elected NOT to come get your couch and loveseat on account of your piss poor attitude and lack of customer service.

Let this be a lesson. You have noone to blame but yourself.

Ethan said:
you don't get customer service for free stuff, its free, if I were selling anything then I would worry about it.

midswat said:
Ethan I will fucking fist fight you if you keep fucking with me. Also, can you fix the middle cushion?

~no response~

~next day, he reposted his ad... I emailed him again

midswat said:
I noticed you had your sofa and loveseat advertised on Craigslist for free. Any chance you can get that steamcleaned and fix that middle cushion? Let me know when that is done and I'll come get it off your hands.

Ethan said:
fuck you

lol


I'm wicked mature for a professiona 34 year old father of three.
 
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http://norfolk.craigslist.org/stp/3104768521.html

i have no idea what this post is about.
im just bored. need people to talk to and hang out with. haha.

im madeline.
20 | 5' 10'' | curvy | 420 friendly | 1 1/8" lobes | 25 piercings | 7 tattoos.

lemme also just kill two birds with one stone.
i need a job and have giant holes in my ears, facial piercings, and visible tattoos.
so if anyone knows of any jobs that dont care and dont drug test, lemme know! please. i need money. lol.

so cheya. hit me up. say something about penguins in your subject line or ill ignore it. lol. attach a pic, too. ill only send one if you do.

midswat said:
Holy fuck you sound like a fuck up. Did your parents not give you enough attention growing up or something?

Fingers crossed she cheya hits me up.
 

Rev

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Is 420 friendly her weight? And if so how is 420 lbs friendly?
 
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Women online think they're fooling people when they say "BBW" or "Curvy." It's a polite way of saying "Hi, I'm fat!"
 

superpunk

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sounds like you were nearly there with Tammy. Ethan convo is my favorite. Nice work midswat you actually did something funny.
 
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She wrote back....

lol

Tammy said:
Tell me...who is Dan West?

midswat said:
Where to begin? Well... first, I'm a 34 year old man of slightly better than average looks. I have found that women generally find me more attractive after they've consumed prodigidous amounts of alcohol. I'm white - which I'd assume you'd consider to be important, what with your avid appreciation of country music and all. Stand a towering 6'1 - which isn't that towering if you're 5'10", but based upon your picture I imagine you to be in the 5'3-5'5" range. Height is of little consequence, as we'll likely spend the majority of our time together either making out on your comfortable couch before making our way clumbsily to the bedroom while simultaneously leaving a trail of clothes in the hallway. Once you have me unwrapped, you ought to be pleasantly suprised. I'm not suggesting I'm a Greek God, Tammy, but lets just say I can't help but wink at myself and tweek a nipple everytime I pass a mirror with my shirt off. Also, while the good Lord only blessed me with an average visage and below average intelligence, he did bestow upon my body an above average thunder stick.

I like to roll with an air of mystery around me. It can be confusing, both for myself and others. Why? "If ya can't dazzle em with 'yer brilliance, baffle 'em with yer bullshit" is my modus operandi.

With that in mind, I'll end this now and eagerly await your next correspondance.
 
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LOOKING FOR MR.RIGHT IF U THINK UR 1 STOP HERE - 27
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi I'M A AA FEMALE 27 YEARS OF AGE I weigh 159 ibs 5"3 brown skin brown eyes. NO KIDS I WORK IM BOUT TO START A 2ND JOB AND GO TO SCHOOL. I'm LOOKING FOR AN AA MALE THAT'S NOT ABOUT ANY GAMES OR DRAMA,THAT HAS HIS LIFE TOGETHER THAT'S LOOKING FOR AN REAL FEMALE THAT'S HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER I'M HER.SO IF INTERESTED PLEASE REPLY.PLEASE PUT really interested in subject line so I no your real and reply with name,number and pic.thank YOU.

midswat said:
IM MIGHT BE MR right
-------------
AY YO GURL WUT UP Its yo boy D-KRUSH n i be seen YO ADD ON CRAIGS and wantid TO GIVE A SHOUT AIGHT. IM TYRED OF GAMES AND DRAMA SAVE IT FO YOU BABY MAMA HAHA IS WHAT I SAY. I 26 AND GOT A MASTERS DEGREE FROM DA SCHOOL IF LIFE YA HEARD BUT I AINT NO HUSTLA IF YOU FEEL ME I WORK ME A LEGIT JOB MAKIN DOLLARS AND GOT MY OWN PLACE AND CAR AND NICE CLOTHES. HIT ME UP AND MAYBE WE CAN HIT THE CLUBS AND GET SOME DRANK TO GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER AIGHT K LATS
 
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tammy said:
I have to admit you've got a good sense of humor and can make me laugh however since you've admitted to 'baffling me with bullshit', I'm afraid I'm going to have to require a photo of your 'not quite' Greek God self.

Although height is not of consequence, that was a good guess. I'm actually only 5' 1".

So besides stalking women on craigslist while looking for free tv's to watch porn on......what else do you do for fun? Work?


midswat said:
Pic is attached. You're welcome to print it out and frame it. Maybe hang it above your headboard, or carry a wallet sized copy in your purse to show your girlfriends and describe me as "your man."

Aside from stalking women on craigslist, very few activities strike a chord with me. I've been described as being pleased by the basics - which may very well just be a softer way of calling me a simpleton. I enjoy eating, fornicating, watching true-crime reality based television shows (think First 48 or Forensic Files), exercising (I've developed an affinity for running which I've never held previously). I'm a big time football fan, so as this relationship develops over the next few months, prepare yourself for the eventual cold shoulder you'll likely experience on Sunday afternoons, unless you're willing to hang out at my house and quietly sit in the corner, while occassionally fetching me cold beverages or preparing a meat heavy lunch - bratwursts, burgers, the like. If my team loses, I'll need to be consoled.

5'1" huh? Interesting. I don't think I've been with anyone that small of stature since.... well, maybe the 8th grade. I'm not even sure how that would work. Could we even hold hands, or would your tiny little arms be able to reach mine? Do you require a car seat? And would your face be buried in my belly button should we go missionary position? I'm a compasionate lover, so I'd want you to be comfortable. Naturally.

And yes, I work.

How am I doing thus far?
 
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She wants to meet. Not sure where to take it from here.

tammy said:
Show Details FROM:Tammy Henderson TO:Dan West Message flagged Thursday, June 28, 2012 6:03 PM
Thanks for the picture!! Of course I've been busy making copies and wallpapering my room so couldn't get back to you right away.


As appealing as compassionate lovemaking sounds....after watching lots of crime tv myself......my rational mind tells me it would be much safer to meet my 'new man' in a public locale.


Besides we need to make sure that I can indeed reach. ;-)


What is your obsession with 5 about?
 
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